A successful 24-year-old woman told me that she went to see her physician about what she described as frequent almost debilitating anxiety attacks. We ended up in a conversation about the number of Black women we know who are on antidepressants, which her physician also prescribed for her. Like this young lady, as women, we push ourselves to the limit taking care of everything and everyone. We handle our business both on the job and off, pursuing careers, attending school, and managing relationships. We’re natural born doers and nurturers genetically predisposed to multitask and look after those we love—and we’re good at it. But when it comes to caring for ourselves, aside from our hair and nails, we are negligent at best. We don’t do nearly enough self-nurturing—looking out for number one—as we should. As a result, we’re stressed out. Our body is overtaxed, our health suffers, and our mind and spirit are deprived of the sustenance they need to keep us at our operative best. As spiritually and emotionally drained, mentally befuddled, and physically worn out beings, we wind up jeopardizing all the hard work we do. Yet we rarely realize just how detrimental the physiological effects of prolonged stress are on us.
Unlike our distant fore-sistahs, we are fortunate to have every modern convenience at our fingertips. We have more resources, gadgets and gizmos available to us than ever before and can summon any necessity at the click of a mouse or by picking up the phone. The wisdom our mothers and grandmothers acquired through years of experience, trial and error, we gain by tuning in to Oprah or listening to a self-help audio tape. Yet, we’re not as spry or contented as our earlier sisters. My grandmother, for example, didn’t have a microwave, cell phone, PDA, online grocery shopping with free delivery, or any of the other modern conveniences I take for granted. However she was able hold down a job, maintain her house, take care of children, slide “real” home-cooked meals on the table, sit down to watch her favorite TV shows, and still get to bed at a decent hour. Sure she was tired, but she wasn’t burned-out. There’s barely enough time in one of my 24-hour days to catch the local news—and thank God for dry cleaners, on-line shopping, and take-out! Without them, I’d be a hopeless mess.
It’s no wonder so many African American women are openly confessing to and being diagnosed with myriad stress-induced ailments including clinical depression, something once considered a stigma in our community. Women who once withstood anything and chanted in unison Maya’s “And Still I Rise” are now seeking relief in a bottle of antidepressants and on a psychiatrist’s couch. Not that there’s anything wrong with prescription drugs and professional counseling, but… Somewhere along the way in this rat race of life, we misplaced what grounded us, and now we’re struggling to maintain a secure foothold on our sanity.
The good news is there is hope for us. We can get our bearings straight and garner ourselves some peace of mind. By internalizing our focus and attuning ourselves to our spiritual existence, we can breathe life back into ourselves. The best way is through quietude. Meditation, if you will. Some people call it “prayer.” But, however we choose to define it is irrelevant. If we take a few moments out of our hectic day to sit quietly and reflect on our life, where we are, where we’ve been, and what we’re moving toward, it can be a tremendous source of calm and healing for our mental and spiritual self. Taking a long walk can have the same meditative effect. In fact, anything that slows us down, helps us to regroup, brings us peace or joy, and takes us out of the stress zone can be spelled R-E-L-I-E-F: yoga, exercise, listening to soothing music, writing, relaxing in a hot bath, getting a massage, dancing, painting, journaling, singing, even having sex. Tantric sex, for example, is said to make one highly sensual and lead to spiritual enlightenment. The added bonus is that, if done properly, it also delivers a walloping, mind-blowing, “whole body” orgasm—the equivalent of a seismic quake—that can blast away even next year’s tension and stress. Can anyone say, “Ommmmm?”
Relaxing is not difficult. It only requires time, discipline and remembering that less stress equals an improved physical and mental state. Our body and mind co-exist in a symbiotic relationship. If we would make "getting still" or "loosening up" an important ritual, we would find our thoughts more focused and our bodies invigorated. We would be attuned to our unique physical presence in the world and able to evaluate our life and its circumstances in a more rational way. This in turn would enable us to gain greater control over our day-to-day activities. It would also enhance our relationships by making us more aware of and emotionally accessible to those around us. As stress-free beings, we'd look, think and feel better. We'd gain a clearer picture of our life and responsibilities, as well as a patent understanding of what's happening inside us, which makes managing anything a whole lot easier.
So let’s de-stress, ladies. Let’s relinquish this anxiety, regroup and regain command of who we are. Let’s give ourselves a daily ten minute (minimum!) reprieve, the gift of calmness and serenity, and bring ourselves back to center. Take a few moments to breathe deeply, sink into tranquility and, in the process, give some TLC to number O-N-E. We deserve it!
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