Steve Urkel, I mean Jaleel White Accused of Beating His Girlfriend?

From YourBlackWorld.com

Jaleel White, better known as Steve Urkel from the television show, "Family Matters," was accused of beating his girlfriend, Bridget Hardy, who is also the mother of his 10-month old child.  She reported the abuse to the LAPD, stating that White punched her in her breast implants while they were on the highway driving in their car.

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Brian McKnight Gets the Baby Daddy Blues

by Dr. Boyce Watkins

It appears that the singer Brian McKnight is now a not-so-proud father. Well, the child isn't exactly a baby either. According to TMZ, the child is a 14-year old that Brian hasn't exactly claimed to be his own. Well, whether McKnight chooses to address the child as his own or not, a Florida judge has ruled that Brian must now take financial responsibility for the child. The amount owed? $341,640, which comes out to just over $2,000 per month for every month since the child was born.

The mother of the child, Miriam Lee, took Brian McKnight to court to establish paternity last year. Why she waited so long to do so is not clear. From this point on, the singer is responsible for making child support payments in the amount of $11,388 per month. The ruling was a default judgment, since McKnight was not in court and didn't respond to the woman's claim of paternity.

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Dr. Boyce Watkins: Talib Kweli Weighs in on Slim Thug's Remarks about Black Women

by Dr. Boyce Watkins, Syracuse University

A note to Slim Thug: You probably just need to be quiet for a while. It's not to say thatyour comments about black women were outside your rights to freedom of speech, but if you keep dissing the audience most likely to go out and buy your records, you are probably going to end up in the same poorhouse as MC Hammer. Don't get me wrong, black men love your music (at least I do), but the bottom line is that brothers don't buy albums, books, or anything else put up for sale. But when black women turn on you, it's a wrap son. Settle down and go back to the studio; it's good for your financial health.
I wrote yesterday about the comments made by Slim Thug regarding how he perceives white women to be a better dating choice than black women, as well asColumbia Professor Marc Lamont Hill'sresponse to Slim Thug's words. It seems that the debate has taken a life of it's own, now that rapper Talib Kweli has joined the conversation. In a recent essay he wrote for Vibe Magazine, Talib Kweli was ever the diplomatic artist, as he showed respect for Slim Thug, but also expressed his own concerns for his colleague's remarks about black women:

Click to read.

To read more about the debate regarding Slim Thug’s comments about black women, click here.

Divorce Takes Health Toll Study Says

 

(CNN) -- Divorce causes more than bitterness and broken hearts. The trauma of a split can leave long-lasting effects on mental and physical health that remarriage might not repair, according to research released this week.

Research shows health differences between people who are married and those who have gone through a divorce.

"People who lose a marriage take such damage to their health," said Linda Waite, a sociologist at the University of Chicago in Illinois.

Waite and co-author Mary Elizabeth Hughes, of Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, found that divorced or widowed people have 20 percent more chronic health conditions such as heart disease, diabetes or cancer than married people. They also have 23 percent more mobility limitations, such as trouble climbing stairs or walking a block.

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Your Black Love: Technology Killed Romance

By Chiderah A. Monde


It is rather discouraging, being a huge fan of Motown and music from years past, because these songs make us girls wish for the times when there was actual courting by a gentleman admirer, dates that consisted of moonlit walks and holding hands, celebration of how beautiful women are in all of our perfect imperfections, and written love letters singing a sad song of wishing she would come back when she’s gone…

It’s discouraging watching movies like “The Notebook” and getting falsified ideas of what men in love look like, since dating back in 1940 is obviously the same as it is now…

It just doesn’t happen like that anymore…and I’m a little bitter.

There are a few guys out there who will argue to the death that they are still perfect gentlemen who know how to treat a lady right, and this might be true….but the characteristics that make a “Southern gentleman” today has definitely changed from what was considered one back then.

Sorry guys, technology won’t let you be “Southern gentlemen” anymore.

Because today ladies, instead of hurriedly bumping into a man on the street and turning to apologize at the same time he is, causing your eyes to meet and your heart to instantly be captured…

We turn to Myspace, Facebook, Match.com, Eharmony.com and many other websites to see if we can lock eyes with his perfect picture. And then we pray he looks like that in real life if it is at all an attractive profile picture.

And today, instead of receiving a letter in the mail titled “To My Dearest” and detailing the outing he plans to pick you up later tonight for…

We get 10pm text messages saying “Wussup, whatchu doin tonite boo?”

Followed with “I’m tryna chill tonite, you gonna let me come ova?”

Or maybe that’s just us college aged girls….I should certainly hope those older aren’t subject to the same unfortunate text messages.

Still today, instead of getting close at a local lounge dancing the night away, face to face, his hands on your hips, yours around his neck slowly swaying to the sounds of Smokey Robinson’s “Cruisin’” or Marvin and Tammy’s “You’re All I Need To Get By” (my favorite songs)….

We go to the club and get freaky to “Falsetto” or bend over to the remix of “Back That Ass Up” as the DJ asks over the microphones “Where my nasty girls at?!” and naive girls scream in response.

When did it become okay to leave the “getting to know you” part of human relationships out and get right to the relating?

To need a “down ass ride or die bitch” as opposed to feeling so lucky because there “ain’t no woman like the one [you’ve] got”

To see him across the room at the next party instead of him picking you up and assuring your parents he’ll get you back safely by midnight.

To never spend nights on the phone talking with your special someone because he prefers texting anyway…

Or even to be told things like “damn girl you look good” or “you sexy as hell”, in replacement of being told you’re beautiful.

It became okay when texting became a verb, when Facebook became a verb, when Match.com became where you find your one true love, when love dropped it’s vowels and became luv, when terms of endearment like “bust it baby” replaced “sugar pie, honey bunch”….

And when girls began taking directions in a song from Lil John, who says things like “bend over to the front, touch your toes, back that ass up and down and get low”.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

If technology is going to be the death of romance, then only people can be its savior.

YourBlackLove: What is Considered Beautiful In A Changing World?

By Chiderah A. Monde

Why is it that both Angelina Jolie and Halle Berry are widely considered beautiful women, no matter what race you are, no matter what gender?

With a constantly changing world, comes a constantly changing perception of beauty. Over the years society has changed its description of what is considered the physically “ideal” or “perfect” woman. No longer does the blond bombshell grace the covers of every magazine, nor does the deathly skinny frame or pale skin.

The 21st century demanded a change, for it’s “ideal” woman, and now she has curves, dark hair, and most importantly- darker skin.

Society’s perfect woman is not necessarily Black, although everyone agrees that Beyonce, Halle Berry, Alicia Keys and Janet Jackson top a lot of lists. But darker skin is definitely in- whether it is tanned white women, foreign femmes, or mixed beauties, women like Jessica Alba, Angelina Jolie, Aishwarya Rai, Adrianna Lima and Jessica Biel have taken the place of the blond bombshell era.

There’s no question about curves being in demand too. Beyonce is the epitome of the ideal curves for a Black woman, so is Alicia Keys, and quite frankly- so is Kim Kardashian. Men agree that body and curves are sexier, and women feel more comfortable with their bodies being similar shapes to celebrity women.

The interesting thing about the changing perception of beauty is how we can all agree that these women and physical features are considered acceptable. Psychologists argue that an individual’s perception of what is considered attractive is dependent on the person’s parents. That is, we base what is beautiful on what our mothers look like, what our fathers think, and what they both teach us to be beautiful. On the other scholarly hand, some consider attraction to be dependent on symmetry. That is, anything that is symmetrical is aesthetically pleasing. Once something seems out of line, out of sync, or asymmetrical, it is not attractive.

I don’t know how I feel about all of that.

Whether it’s psychology or symmetry that determines what is beautiful, it is all amplified by society and by media. Everything we buy, wear, eat and do is reflection of what some part of society has suggested we should. And “should” is an iffy word…

Nevertheless, we might be moving in an optimistic direction. If curves, dark hair and dark skin is currently in, society is setting an example for accepting a variety of body types. With things like Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty and Maxim’s 2008 Hot 100, the days of having only one perfect woman are long gone.

Open Marriage & Open Relationships: The New Formula for Successful Black Love?

By Chiderah A. Monde

Will Smith and Jada’s confession about their open marriage last year during an interview is still a hot topic. Since then people have been able to really think about what open marriage has meant for the Pinkett-Smith union, and what it could mean for black couples everywhere.

Black people continue to look up to Will and Jada as the pillar of black love. They represent the ideal successful black couple: complete with two gorgeous people in love, wealth, happiness and beautiful children to top it off.

It could all be so simple as to accredit their successful marriage to the agreement they have with each other, allowing them to be able to sleep with whomever they want as long as they inform each other of those happenings. Could it be that in this day an age, [open relationships + open communication] is the only formula that equals a successful relationship?

Let’s consider the possibilities.

The most important part of having an open marriage is that the idea eliminates the number one reason why people break up in this country- cheating. Open relationships require as much trust as one can possibly put in a person. Trusting them not to lie, trusting them not to hide things, and trusting them to remain faithful. It sounds like all of the basic necessities of a regular relationship are present.

Black couples that last are growing more and more rare. The current statistics claim that just about 45% of educated successful black women do not get married, and just as many get divorced. Those numbers are scary. At the same time interracial dating is becoming more popular, and more black men get involved with white, Asian, Latina and mixed women. For those situations where black women feel threatened about their husbands cheating, perhaps an open marriage could save them from this trouble, and save marriages from their demises.
Also, having an open relationship facilitates a key component of successful relationships- communication. Many marriage therapists focus mainly on the type of communication between husband and wife when couples come in to try and save marriages. People find that their spouses aren’t telling them things, especially when it comes to how they feel.

I don’t know, open relationships sound like a great idea. However, there must be dire disadvantages.

I asked some of my friends around campus, and got similar opinions about open relationships and open marriages. Most men agreed that they would love a woman who was gorgeous and successful, and who would allow them to sleep with other women. They said they would rather not know whom their wives are sleeping with, but if the trust between them is there, there shouldn’t be a problem. Most men could see themselves always coming back to their “80% women” regardless of who they slept with, since those outside relationships would be solely based on physical attraction. Will Smith said the same thing.

Most women that I talked to said that the situation is rather unrealistic. They all agreed that problems in the long run would be inevitable. They could see their men preferring the outside sex to their own, which would lead to wanting to leave, or more arguments about how drastically their sex lives have changed. It comes as no surprise to me that the women thought more about potential problems than the benefits of open relationships.

How about what an open relationship would mean for the black family?

When you take it outside the bedroom, it seems that an open marriage is not such a good idea. How do you explain to your kids “mommy and daddy spend nights with aunties and uncles”?

For Will and Jada, this conversation has to be had, considering their lives are public and their kids are sure to hear about it sooner or later.

Then there’s the problem of STDs and/or AIDS. Let’s be realistic, no sex is exempt from possibly introducing transmitted diseases- celebrity sex or not. Couples have to be twice as careful about using protection and being checked regularly for diseases, and extremely aware of the sexual history of the people they decide to sleep with. Maybe open relationships are not such a good idea…there’s all the extra background checking and detective work one must do just to have sex.

As far as religion goes- open marriages completely contradict morals established in the black church. Isn’t that considered adultery? But then again…so is cheating, and people still do it. God might not like this idea either. Accepting open marriage and open relationships in the black church would require review and revision of morals established by the church. As crazy as it sounds, open marriage is the “less immoral” way to commit adultery.

It may just be that having a Will and Jada kind of relationship can only work for Will and Jada.

Black couples that aren’t celebrities may not be as prepared to deal with problems such as children from outside relationships, STDs or AIDS, and paying for child support if children were to result from their extramarital affairs. Jada considers Will’s oldest son to be one of her own, even though he is a result of one of Will’s previous relationships. Jada has the patience, the money, and the time to take care of children that are not her own- most women do not.

I am not knocking the strategy though, I think some people would do well in these kinds of relationships, but it definitely isn’t for everybody. Just like marriage isn’t for everybody. It depends on the people involved and their personalities.

Black Men and Marriage: What Black Women need to Know

There was an article written on MSNBC about the 5 traits that men have on their marriage checklist. The article was nice, but wrong! I am not sure what woman wrote the article, but she needs to do her homework.

So, based on my own experience and conversations with my friends, I will give you the list of things that many men think about before choosing marriage. No, it's not scientific, so if that leads you to ignore the advice, then so be it. But as a black man, I can tell you that many black men might agree with some of this:

1) We don't want to get hassled: No, I don't want to be told that I can't watch the football game or that I have to get up on a Saturday morning to go shopping with you at the mall. Yes, I will spend time with you, but I don't want to be harassed when I am trying to seek peace or go play ball with my friends. Let me be and I will be happy to see you rather than irritated.

2) Can you cook? If you can't, then we are both going to starve. So many women have gotten caught up in this feminist mindset that tells them that men should want to cook, clean and change diapers as much as they do. Not in my world. In my world, a woman knows how to be respected, but is still ok with wearing the skirt in the household. She also makes her man want to be with her and want to come home every day. No man wants to marry a woman who wants to be a man.

3) Don't use sex as a weapon. That will make other women start looking really good. Men need sex, really badly. Don't think that because you have a ring on his finger that you control whether or not he gets sex.

4) Take care of your body and try to look good for him. Every man wants a woman who tries to look her best. A lot of men believe that women throw in the towel on sex and looking good after they know that they have him locked down. That's why many men don't get married. Why would you want to be stuck with a woman who let herself go when there are single women who look good out there?

5) Don't take him for granted. Some women have their first child, and then they seem to forget to please their man or give him attention. All their time is spent talking about how the kids need this and the kids need that. The man becomes the stage prop that you're using to play house, as you use him as a provider, order him around and then refuse to have sex with him. That kind of relationship would make me unhappy. No one wants to be in a place where they are not happy.

Take the advice or leave it. All I know is that after seeing many of my friends get financially destroyed after divorce and having their kids taken away, it doesn't whet my appetite to walk into that same line of fire. So, if you want to get a man to take this risk, you better find a good way to make him want to do it. There's a reason that half of marriages end in divorce and half of the successful ones only look good on the outside.

Bill Clinton's Alleged Love Child: The British Press is Pushing the issue

The British Press has continued its investigation into Clinton's affair with the black Little Rock prostitute Bobby Ann Williams. London Daily Mail columnist James Dalrymple, wrote on Jan. 14, 1997, that Bobby Ann Williams and her sister Lucille Bolton passed two lie detector tests proclaiming that Clinton is the father of her illegitimate son Danny. Arkansas State Trooper Buddy Young states that in 1983, he drove Clinton and the black women to his mother's home near Hot Springs for a sex orgy. Clinton's mother was conveniently out-of-town. In 1984 Bobby Ann had a baby boy she named Danny. He looks exactly like Clinton. He has refused to take a blood test to confirm or deny the allegation.

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I Am So Proud of My Daughter Banke

One of the reasons that I am so excited about Senator Obama’s candidacy for the Oval Office is his vision for our children. All of this nation's children should have the same educational opportunities to be all that they can be regardless of race and/or economic class.

Through God’s grace and great mercy my daughter Banke will receive a Masters in Education on May 17, 2008. Please rejoice, celebrate, and help me congratulate my youngest daughter as she reaches this wonderful achievement in her life.

Banke is 24 years young, gifted, and black. She is a 2005 graduate of the University of VA and has been employed as a teacher for three years.

It is my belief that as race of people African-Americans should rejoice, encourage, celebrate, comfort, and love each other. I hope that you enjoy reading the following post written by Banke on her facebook blog as much as I did.

May 13, 2008
"hip-Hop saved my life

Lupe said hip-hop saved his life and I am inclined to agree with him. When I think about all of the major events and phases and my life, hip-hop is the backdrop. I remember when my sister came home from Syracuse University so excited to play “Mo Money, Mo Problems”. Her enthusiasm was infectious. I laid on the living room floor and let the music wash over me. Perhaps this was my baptism into hip-hop. I remember my other sister telling me how everybody at Penn State went crazy whenever they heard, “f--- the state pen, f--- hoes at Penn State.”

I remember being a suburban kid who loved to visit her cousin on the weekend because she lived in the hood. We walked to the corner store, heard the cars blasting music, and thought this is what it’s like to be alive.When that same suburban kid moved to the hood herself she wasn’t scared or sad because she was moving where the music came from. I remember house parties and dancing on the wall and doing the cry baby.

My image of love was shaped by hip-hop. I remember hearing Mary and Meth thinking I hope to one day find a love like that. I haven’t, but that song still sets the standard for how I want to feel. I remember hearing Tupac and getting goose bumps. I felt how Elaine Brown felt when she met Huey P. Newton. What a genius what a maniac, I wanted a man like that.

I remember moving down south and hearing Timbaland constantly on the radio. My sister and I went crazy every time we heard “Love to Love Ya. I wanted “big lips and handle bars.” I remember bugging out over how crazy Missy was. I remember the WU album.

I learned about sexuality from hip-hop. LL taught me that if you’re going to do it, do it well. Lil’ Kim taught me the power that a woman holds in between her legs; Foxy Brown taught me how to use it. I remember listening to We Are the Streets and Back for the First time non-stop in high school. I remember being rebellious, only putting my head up when I had headphones on.

I remember college and my southern boyfriend putting me on to the merits of Outkast. I remember my afrocentric soul sista putting me on the Jean Grae. I remember The Roots concert being sold out, madlib being bumped by the real hip-hop kids. I remember Lil’ Jon got the parties going crazy. I remember when Kayne first came out. He fed the soul of that suburban/hood/conscious/afrocentric bohemian I was becoming.

I remember just wanting to be a part of it. I read everything hip-hop. XXL was read cover to cover the first day it hit the newsstands. S---, it was college you know I didn’t have a subscription. I remember listening to everything they referenced as classic. I wanted to live, breathe, and sh-- hip-hop. I remember the rush I felt when my words and my name were in the newspaper—people reading MY reviews on the net.

I remember graduation and the panicky feeling I had. No job lined up, back to the Roc. I remember teaching kids from the same hood and wanting to shield them from every bad decision that could be made.

Now I am a seasoned teacher I’m out of love with hip-hop. I hate the fake thugs it creates, I hate the materialism it promotes, I hate seeing my female students sing along with songs that “let them lick the wrapper.” But I could never hate hip-hop.

I use it to teach my students to think critically. Why do you like this? Why is this hot? What does it make YOU feel? So slowly hip-hop is putting me back under its spell. When I teach my students about a four count, and how to critique a beat and they get it, I get that feeling back.

Hip-hop raised me, and I haven’t grown up yet."

Vera Richardson is the author of “A Case of Racial Discrimination and Retaliation Real or Imagined." http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?r=1&EAN=9780615177014

Governor Bill Richardson Important and Affectionate Endorcement of Senator Obama

We have a chance during this election to form an unbeatable combination of voters of all colors, races, ages, and economic classes to win the White House in 2008. Oh yes we can!!! Thank you Governor Richardson for your fine endorsement of Senator Obama.

Vera Richardson is the author of “A Case of Racial Discrimination and Retaliation Real or Imagined."

Hillary Clinton puts McCain above Obama - Complete

One of the comments to my recent posting included statements that Obama would be wise to accept the Vice President’s position with Hillary Clinton at the top of the ticket. I disagree because this country needs new leadership and a new vision. Obama doen’t need to intern under Hillary Clinton nor do he need her on his ticket for the Presidency. To support my position I draw your attention to two facts about the Clintons and their old divisive and secretive ways of winning.

News Headline number 1 - Archivists Block Release of Clinton Papers
Federal archivists at the Clinton Presidential Library are blocking the release of hundreds of pages of White House papers on pardons that the former president approved, including clemency for fugitive commodities trader Marc Rich.

Officials with the presidential campaign of Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., criticized Sen. Clinton this week for not doing more to see that records from her husband's administration are made public. "She's been reluctant to disclose information," Obama's chief strategist David Axelrod told reporters in a conference call where he specifically cited the slow release records from the Clinton library. "If she's not willing to be open with (voters) on these issues now, why would she be open as president." Hillary is also stalling about releasing their old tax returns.

News Headline number 2 – Mark Penn, chief stategist for Hillary Clinton and Senator John McCain top political advisor Charlie Black are business partners. Penn is the CEO of Burson-Marsteller, which is one of the largest public relations firms in the world. Clarlie Black is the Chairman of BKSH which is a lobbying subsidiary of Burson-Marsteller.

One of the noted client of Burson-Marsteller is Blackwater. In 2007, Blackwater a private security firm was accused of killing several Iraqi civilians. Blackwater hired BKSH to help them with their image after the Iraqi civilans claims. The firm was also hired by
Countrywide Financial to address their image problems after downsizing and the increased numbers of foreclosures.
http://www.burson-marsteller.com/About_Us/Pages/About_Us.aspx

The lobbying firm of Burson-Marsteller wins if either Senator Clinton or Senator John McCain are elected as the President of the United States of America. This explains Hillary’s attacks on Obama that states that only she and McCain are qualified to be the next President.

Americans must not be fooled by a public relations firm and the Clintons. We must continue to support and embrace Senator Barack Obama and his quest to become a President for all Americans. OH YES WE CAN!!!

Vera Richardson is the author of “A Case of Racial Discrimination and Retaliation Real or Imagined."
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-images/0615177018/ref=cm_ciu_pdp_images_all/gallery

WHY MORE WOMEN ARE STRAYING

The sizzling affairs of Hollywood female stars have exposed a startling trend - more and more women are cheating on their partners. For years men have been regarded as home-wreckers - quickly rushing into the arms of a new mistress. Now female celebrities have shown that women are almost as likely to carry on a secret liason. And women are becoming very bold about it.

Men have always been associated with affairs. But nowadays women are getting the same opportunities to have affairs and they expect better quality sex lives. Whether it’s a female college student who has no real concept of monogamy or a 21-year married veteran and mature mother of three, women are becoming more bold about their newfound sexual freedom.Accurate stats on women’s infidelity are understandably hard to come by since – no surprise here – ladies aren’t always keen on ’fessing up to their extracurricular activities.

But it’s generally guesstimated that 14%-40% of married women have intimately tangoed with someone other than their husbands. In one unscientific yet telling poll at WomanSavers.com (the self-proclaimed “world’s largest database rating good and bad men”), women were asked if they had ever cheated. Of the more than 9,400 women who responded, 49% said they had. Another 26% said that they’d have no problem stepping out on their partners if they knew they could get away with it.But why is this all happening?

The easy answer is that women today have the same opportunities to cheat as guys always did. Not only do working women have the chance to mix and mingle with would-be lovers (both in the office and on business trips), but the Internet is filled with chat rooms and websites that blatantly court married men and women looking for a little something on the side. Even still, it takes more than mere opportunity to get a woman to slide between someone else’s sheets.

THE PRIMARY reason women cheat is because their needs are not being fulfilled. ‘Needs' cover all things within the emotional, sexual, mental and financial parameters of a relationship. However, these unmet needs manifest in a variety of ways. The following is a short list of reasons women give for cheating.

1. Women feel taken for granted. As wives and long-term partners, women get stuck in very humdrum roles of mommy and housekeeper and it's irresistible when they find someone who sees them as a sexual being rather than a person who is responsible for the washing and ironing.

2. Boredom. Many women are in pretty good marriages – things are good, the kids are fine, the husband’s okay – but she’s bored and needs some excitement,” And a casual affair may put some zing back in her days.

3. Not getting enough attention from their partner. Women, like men, love attention. Women are often left to deal with domestic issues on their own, and are taken for granted by their men. The popular song 'Put that woman first', by R&B artist Jaheim, comes to mind. In the song he notes that if it weren't for the football games on Sundays, his job, hanging with his friends, he'd remember to spend time with his girl. In response to his neglect, she cheats.

4. Money. Yes, there you have it. Some women complain that their men are not supplying them with enough money. Their solution is to find another guy who will shower them with, not love, but money.

5. Many men get sexually lazy and no longer please her partner. They no longer engage in foreplay and do very little guarantee that sex is good for their partners. If the man’s bedroom performance is less than pleasing, some women will look elsewhere. Many cheating women list this as one of their main reasons. Their favorite coined phrase to justify their wrong is “He was giving me what I needed.” So, for a number of women, an affair is sexually satisfying and emotionally rewarding.

6. Revenge. Many women cheat as a retaliation against their cheating partners. It’s the “He hurt me, I’m gonna hurt him” syndrome. They hold the notion that men have got away with hurting women for too long and it is time that women return the 'favour'.

7. Many women cheat because they want to enjoy one of the 'liberties' that men have always enjoyed: sex with multiple partners without the societal baggage. Self-fulfillment has become the new holy grail of the modern female sexual being. In fact, infidelity is merely a blow against the oppressive traditional tyranny of gender roles. And so women cheat to emasculate men, to show the Good Ole Boys Club just who is in charge, even at the risk of having violence visited upon her head.


As you can see, the reasons for unfaithfulness vary. Commitment and monogamy no longer hold that sacred place within our relationships that it once did. Both men and women have come up with very elaborate reasons for why they stray. However, in order to have a loving and fulfilling relationship, it starts with couple’s having one firm and uncompromising reason for why they should stay (committed, that is).

If you want to know how to maintain the commitment needed and avoid cheating, tune in next week.

Can a Book Build a Marriage?

I am a lover of books of all kinds, but lately I can’t seem to pick up a paperback without the words “How to...” on them. I’ve read that it’s a common trait of first borns to want to be right, do all things perfectly and of course be the first one to do anything of importance. We take pride in having knowledge and using that know-how to boss people around. Right? But somewhere in all the know-it-all bravado, there lies a bit of insecurity. Why do I need a book to tell me how to dress, how to win any argument, or how to keep a man interested? (Which by the way, I have not been a victim of…I just read Cosmo like most women...kidding.)

Obviously, I am not alone, considering the millions of dollars flowing around and through the Self Help /Empowerment /Motivation industry. Ask Tim Robbins (Yes, please show me how to unleash the power,) Oprah ( Secret? What secret? Inquiring minds want to know!), even Joel Osteen (Why would I wait to live my best life? Of course I want to do it now!) But books about organization, putting finances in order, or people skills aside, the area I’m relatively new to is marriage.

Fill in the blank. Marriages are __________________.

Until my own, marriage always meant broken dreams, homes, and promises. Marriage meant exposing yourself to someone else’s scrutiny. Dealing with someone else’s chatter during that time of the month. You know how young girls plan their weddings? Well, I planned my divorces…dismal, I know. But no matter how I sliced it, I couldn’t figure out how two people made a lifetime commitment to each other. I thought I’d be a world traveler, date randomly, and send my many god children exotic gifts while I remained blissfully aloof and single. Then I met him. Well, re-met a distant friend. The usual story ensued: we fell in love, got engaged, and after a few years of struggling with the imminent change in future plans (and some pre-marital counseling) we jumped the broom.


Which leads me to the point of this entry; I’ve realized I have no idea how to be married. Is there even a way? My biological father abandoned my step-father was addicted to cocaine, and my mom doubts she’ll ever marry again. My husband’s parents divorced when he was 18. His dad moved in with his mistress of 5 years and left the brand new home that he and his now ex wife had built. So, the ideal marriage in my life? The Huxtables. And we all know how real that was…Some days I can’t believe I did it. Me, with the frostbitten feet! Other days, it’s the only thing besides God that I’m sure of.

Well, to counteract my lack of experience in being a wife, I’ve started reading my first “How to” book on marriage: The Five Love Languages. I should say, we’ve started it, but this is my perspective. I mean, we’re young, we want more than what we’ve witnessed or been a part of, so why not? It can only lead to something better, right?

Dating After Divorce pt 2

So you’re ready to date? You have taken some ‘me time’ to reflect on yourself; on what makes You happy and you are all ready to play the dating game again. Only, those initial dating fears are nagging and persistent. “What exactly am I supposed to be doing?” Those fears and anxieties are natural. After all, you have just gotten over the lifelong commitment you made to someone that turned out to be not so lifelong. Reentering the dating pool to start the cycle again can be a scary feeling. However, once you get your feet wet, you will find the waters to be just fine.

The most challenging part of dating is the ‘getting to know you’ phase. We’re all familiar with the getting to know you phase: “What do you do?” “What’s your favorite color?” “What do you like to do in your spare time?” This is period of time can be frustrating because as a divorced person you thought you were done with this and would never have to see it again. After all, you’d already put in your time, right? Well the time has come to change your mindset all together. This phase shouldn’t bring feelings of dread. It should evoke a sense of newness and growth. The getting to know you phase is the best way to ease your way back in to the game. Step out there and get to know a variety of people. Use this as an opportunity to put to the test everything you thought long and hard about during your “me-time”. In the process, you are likely to not only to continue learning more about yourself, but make a new friend or two as well.

Now you’re in and you’re active; you’re mixing and mingling. It’s not so bad right? Some of these people seem like they are up your alley. The conversation is flowing and you find yourself comfortable with the dating scene. Now is the time to take account of the people you do ‘hit it off with’. Many divorced people find themselves most aligned with those who are also divorced. It’s not very surprising if you take a moment to think about it; divorced people have more in common than those who have yet to experience the highs and lows of marriage. Divorced people have more of a tendency to work harder in a relationship they feel is worth something; they are often more likely to see the forest beyond the trees. They also have a greater chance at having similar long term goals. And to be quite frank, they are a little more likely to see though some of the nonsense that is inevitable with dating as well. Keep in mind as you enjoy your time in the dating scene what seems like a good fit with You. Don’t try to force a square peg into a round hole for the sake of companionship.

Most importantly, everyone has a past. The past makes you who you are. Where you have been and what you have done shapes who you are today. The ‘me-time’ after your divorce is crucial to the past being a positive influence on moving forward. Most people will say “leave the past in the past”. That’s not 100% accurate. You don’t want to leave the past behind. Otherwise, with the past, you leave behind the important lessons you learned form those experiences. What you do want to leave behind is the negativity of the past. Use where you’ve been to spring yourself forward towards what you want to have in the future. Find the positive in your past and use it to your advantage. Only then will you find yourself most successful in living and loving after a divorce.

Let's Talk about Sex: Robots and Sexuality

by Hasani Pettiford - Your Black World




Robosexuals: Science Fiction or Fact?




Imagine a robot that looks, sounds, smells, and feels exactly like your former, current, or dream-about-in-the-future, lover. Imagine that this robot has access to the instruction from every sex manual, sex column, and infomercial website that has ever been produced, and can synthesize this data into concrete action and sexual behavior. Imagine a robot that can teach lovemaking skills, so that men and women who feel inadequate will be able to take unlimited lessons, in private, from robot lovers who possess an unrivaled level of knowledge of sexual techniques and psycho-sexual problems, combined with great skills as sensitive, patient teachers.

Imagine this robot has software that continually evolves, becoming a more attentive lover, a more appealing partner, changing it's voice, appearance, and behavior based on how you interact with it, all the while using fewer and fewer resources to achieve this goal. Just as chess programs are loaded with databases of moves in different chess openings, so the robots can be given databases of different sexual positions and techniques from around the world. It will be possible to set different "levels" or "preferences," in much the same way that different skill levels and style-of-play preferences can be chosen on a chess computer. And the robots will be able to learn what the user likes. On one level a robot could be set to cater, in every encounter, to the user's sexual tastes. Another level could allow for a random choice of sexual activities and/or positions, in order to give the user some surprises. Yet another level could be a "teaching" mode that provides instruction for the sexual novice. By providing a host of different options, manufacturers will make sex robots appealing to just about every sexual orientation and taste. And the biggest benefit of all is unlimited sex with no risk of pregnancy, abortions, sexually transmitted disease and unwanted emotional attachment.

If you can possibly imagine all of this, imagine no more. By 2012 it is projected that humans will be able to have sex with robots. In fact, by 2050, humans will be able to marry robots. Sounds far fetched? Think again. When the Web site www.Betterhumans.com conducted a survey in February 2003 to investigate what sex technology most people desired, the clear favorite was "android love slaves" with 41% of the votes polled. And as the number of domestic robots worldwide grows dramatically, from about 400,000 in 2003 to the UN's prediction of 4.1 million in 2007, so the numbers of robot designers, robot-development companies, and robot research institutes will mushroom, all fueled by a combination of the money earned from robot sales and government mega-investments. And I'm not talking about R2D2-like robot from the epic movie Star Wars. Rather, the erotic android sexbots introduced in Austin Powers.

Androids are robots designed in a human-like form – of which many examples can be found at the bottom of this article. But in addition to having arms, legs and a head, sexual robots will also have human-sized genitalia of your choice. Japanese scientists have already unveiled the most human-looking robot to date, well at least in the public domain. Secret research is being done now which looks towards the future to build robots so real they will fool humans, in other words they maybe sitting next to you and you would never even know it. New skin technologies will allow the robots to have real human skin grown in petri dishes which will be incorporated in the sexual revolution of robots.

It is suggested that robot sex will become the only sexual outlet for a few sectors of the population: the misfits, the very shy, the sexually inadequate and uneducated, . . .; and that for different sectors of the population robot sex will vary between something to be indulged in occasionally, and only when one's partner is away from home on a long trip, to an activity that supplements one's regular sex life, perhaps when one's partner is not feeling well, or not feeling like sex for some other reason.

To remove the weirdness factor of having sex with robots, these android sex robots can be programmed with artificial intelligence software technology that will give it personality traits and characteristics that will allow a human to develop an emotional bond with it. It can be programmed to express love, exhibit a sense of humor, display sympathy, and portray other emotional qualities found a human relationship. As software becomes more advanced and the relationship between humans and robots becomes more personal, marriage could result.

As disturbing as all of this is, the soon-to-be robosexual phenomenon gets more complex. Robotic scientists, law makers and other professionals have debated the ethics of robot sex as they affect both the human and robot itself. What happens when a robot's owner feels ready but the robot's programming causes it to shy away, possibly because it is running its self-test software or downloading some new knowledge and does not wish to be interrupted, or possibly because its personality was designed in such a way that it sometimes says "no" for whatever reason? Under such circumstances, is this considered rape if the robot's owner countermands the robot's wish to refrain from sex on a particular occasion?

Will sex with a robot by a married individual be considered unfaithful? Will it be unethical in some way to say to one's regular human sex partner: "No, not tonight. I rather be intimate with my robot"? Or, perhaps is a partner telling the other, "Not tonight, go and play with your robot." Some couples will, of course, own two robots, a malebot and a fembot, and will enjoy orgiastic sessions in which three or all four of them take part. Will robot swapping be viewed as being similar to wife swapping? Then there are issues relating to the use of other people's sexbots. What will be the ethics of lending your sexbot to a friend, or borrowing theirs? What about using a friend's sexbot without his or her permission?

The possibility of sex with robots could prove a mixed bag for humanity. For instance, robot sex could provide an outlet for criminal sexual urges. "If you have pedophiles and you let them use a robotic child, will that reduce the incidence of them abusing real children, or will it increase it?"

There are some questions to be answered by the lawmakers of the future regarding robot prostitution. Should it be illegal to have a plethora of robot prostitutes ( a robot brothel)? These are all questions that are now being considered.

This stranger-than-fiction reality proves that this world is in deep, deep trouble. We are falling down the slippery slope of morality into the unethical pit of despair. The potential normalcy of sexual relationships with robots speaks to the spiritual and relational disconnect that members of society have with God and their fellow man. Le t us not be so liberal in our thinking that we accept and adjust to the notion of sexual relations with robots. Any sexual or relational problem that a manufactured, perfectly-designed piece of scrap mettle (a sexbot) can solve, a human being can solve as well. So, rather than looking outward to secure relational and sexual fulfillment, look inward first. The answer to every need is found within you and your partner.

Let's Talk about Sex: Robots and Sexuality

by Hasani Pettiford - Your Black World




Robosexuals: Science Fiction or Fact?




Imagine a robot that looks, sounds, smells, and feels exactly like your former, current, or dream-about-in-the-future, lover. Imagine that this robot has access to the instruction from every sex manual, sex column, and infomercial website that has ever been produced, and can synthesize this data into concrete action and sexual behavior. Imagine a robot that can teach lovemaking skills, so that men and women who feel inadequate will be able to take unlimited lessons, in private, from robot lovers who possess an unrivaled level of knowledge of sexual techniques and psycho-sexual problems, combined with great skills as sensitive, patient teachers.

Imagine this robot has software that continually evolves, becoming a more attentive lover, a more appealing partner, changing it's voice, appearance, and behavior based on how you interact with it, all the while using fewer and fewer resources to achieve this goal. Just as chess programs are loaded with databases of moves in different chess openings, so the robots can be given databases of different sexual positions and techniques from around the world. It will be possible to set different "levels" or "preferences," in much the same way that different skill levels and style-of-play preferences can be chosen on a chess computer. And the robots will be able to learn what the user likes. On one level a robot could be set to cater, in every encounter, to the user's sexual tastes. Another level could allow for a random choice of sexual activities and/or positions, in order to give the user some surprises. Yet another level could be a "teaching" mode that provides instruction for the sexual novice. By providing a host of different options, manufacturers will make sex robots appealing to just about every sexual orientation and taste. And the biggest benefit of all is unlimited sex with no risk of pregnancy, abortions, sexually transmitted disease and unwanted emotional attachment.

If you can possibly imagine all of this, imagine no more. By 2012 it is projected that humans will be able to have sex with robots. In fact, by 2050, humans will be able to marry robots. Sounds far fetched? Think again. When the Web site www.Betterhumans.com conducted a survey in February 2003 to investigate what sex technology most people desired, the clear favorite was "android love slaves" with 41% of the votes polled. And as the number of domestic robots worldwide grows dramatically, from about 400,000 in 2003 to the UN's prediction of 4.1 million in 2007, so the numbers of robot designers, robot-development companies, and robot research institutes will mushroom, all fueled by a combination of the money earned from robot sales and government mega-investments. And I'm not talking about R2D2-like robot from the epic movie Star Wars. Rather, the erotic android sexbots introduced in Austin Powers.

Androids are robots designed in a human-like form – of which many examples can be found at the bottom of this article. But in addition to having arms, legs and a head, sexual robots will also have human-sized genitalia of your choice. Japanese scientists have already unveiled the most human-looking robot to date, well at least in the public domain. Secret research is being done now which looks towards the future to build robots so real they will fool humans, in other words they maybe sitting next to you and you would never even know it. New skin technologies will allow the robots to have real human skin grown in petri dishes which will be incorporated in the sexual revolution of robots.

It is suggested that robot sex will become the only sexual outlet for a few sectors of the population: the misfits, the very shy, the sexually inadequate and uneducated, . . .; and that for different sectors of the population robot sex will vary between something to be indulged in occasionally, and only when one's partner is away from home on a long trip, to an activity that supplements one's regular sex life, perhaps when one's partner is not feeling well, or not feeling like sex for some other reason.

To remove the weirdness factor of having sex with robots, these android sex robots can be programmed with artificial intelligence software technology that will give it personality traits and characteristics that will allow a human to develop an emotional bond with it. It can be programmed to express love, exhibit a sense of humor, display sympathy, and portray other emotional qualities found a human relationship. As software becomes more advanced and the relationship between humans and robots becomes more personal, marriage could result.

As disturbing as all of this is, the soon-to-be robosexual phenomenon gets more complex. Robotic scientists, law makers and other professionals have debated the ethics of robot sex as they affect both the human and robot itself. What happens when a robot's owner feels ready but the robot's programming causes it to shy away, possibly because it is running its self-test software or downloading some new knowledge and does not wish to be interrupted, or possibly because its personality was designed in such a way that it sometimes says "no" for whatever reason? Under such circumstances, is this considered rape if the robot's owner countermands the robot's wish to refrain from sex on a particular occasion?

Will sex with a robot by a married individual be considered unfaithful? Will it be unethical in some way to say to one's regular human sex partner: "No, not tonight. I rather be intimate with my robot"? Or, perhaps is a partner telling the other, "Not tonight, go and play with your robot." Some couples will, of course, own two robots, a malebot and a fembot, and will enjoy orgiastic sessions in which three or all four of them take part. Will robot swapping be viewed as being similar to wife swapping? Then there are issues relating to the use of other people's sexbots. What will be the ethics of lending your sexbot to a friend, or borrowing theirs? What about using a friend's sexbot without his or her permission?

The possibility of sex with robots could prove a mixed bag for humanity. For instance, robot sex could provide an outlet for criminal sexual urges. "If you have pedophiles and you let them use a robotic child, will that reduce the incidence of them abusing real children, or will it increase it?"

There are some questions to be answered by the lawmakers of the future regarding robot prostitution. Should it be illegal to have a plethora of robot prostitutes ( a robot brothel)? These are all questions that are now being considered.

This stranger-than-fiction reality proves that this world is in deep, deep trouble. We are falling down the slippery slope of morality into the unethical pit of despair. The potential normalcy of sexual relationships with robots speaks to the spiritual and relational disconnect that members of society have with God and their fellow man. Le t us not be so liberal in our thinking that we accept and adjust to the notion of sexual relations with robots. Any sexual or relational problem that a manufactured, perfectly-designed piece of scrap mettle (a sexbot) can solve, a human being can solve as well. So, rather than looking outward to secure relational and sexual fulfillment, look inward first. The answer to every need is found within you and your partner.

Juanita Bynum and Thomas Weeks Back in the News Again

There is speculation and mixed reports that Juanita Bynum is thinking about getting back together with her estranged husband, Bishop Thomas Weeks. MediaTakeOut.com has reported that Bynum and Weeks have begun the process of undergoing spiritual counseling in order to reconcile their broken marriage.

The reports allegedly came from someone close to Bynum and Weeks. The anonymous source has stated that the two are undergoing spiritual counseling to fix their marriage. According to the anonymous source, "They both need spiritual healing from the Lord, but they're committed to rebuilding their marriage ... Please give them some privacy."

However, the report was quickly denied by someone even closer to Thomas Weeks, publicist Angelo Ellerbee. Ellerbee had this to say to EURWeb:

"Please allow this communication to serve as an official notice to your web page that what was posted today regarding my client, Bishop Weeks III and his estranged wife, prophetess Juanita Bynum is totally false, incorrect and untrue on the behalf of Bishop Weeks. However, Ms. Bynum chooses to position herself is up to her and her publicity firm. There has been no spiritual engagements between my client, Bishop Weeks and his estranged wife. I hope that you will be very kind in displaying this information on your site as soon as possible. I find it quite misleading and full of publicity tricks."

A similar statement was released by Amy Malone, publicist for Juanita Bynum:

"Juanita Bynum would like to make it very clear that she is not in counseling with Bishop Thomas Weeks III, nor are there any talks of reconciliation as stated in the false article written by Doug Campbell. Juanita Bynum Ministries received a request from Bishop Weeks' uncle, Bishop Leo Smith, to speak at his conference in Barbados this June. She also received an invitation from his grandfather and aunt, Bishop Thomas J. Weeks and Dr. Gwendolyn Weeks to speak at their two-day prayer revival in Boston ... she accepted both invitations. Her acceptances of the invitations are in no way a step towards reconciliation."

Some have argued that Weeks and Bynum have been using their relationship as a publicity stunt, sending out press releases and "positioning themselves" in the public eye.

"Perhaps if this relationship were more about God and love than publicity, it might have had a chance to last," says relationship therapist Mathew Couch.

Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick responds to

Video of Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick's apology.

He is very sorry that the text messages exchanged with his mistress and chief of staff Christine Beatty were made public.

He should not only resign but his wife should accept his apology, forgive him, love herself, and move on with her life.

Vera Richardson is the author of “A Case of Racial Discrimination and Retaliation Real or Imagined."
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-images/0615177018/ref+=cm

Should She Divorce Him?

On Wednesday Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick pleaded for forgiveness from his wife and constituents. The televised apology was made from their family’s church the Greater Emmanuel Institutional Church of God in Christ.


His plea for forgiveness included: “Finally, and most important, I want to make a public apology to my wife, Carlita, who I fell in love with when I was 19 years old. We decided to build a family together and we did that. Our marriage has not been perfect, but it has been great."

His wife statement included: "Like all marriages, ours is not perfect, but through our commitment to God and each other, my husband and I will get through this. Yes, I am angry, I am hurt, and I am disappointed. But there is no question that I love my husband."

I don’t doubt that she loves her husband. I don’t question her decision to “forgive” him. What I do have an issue with is the fact that he and his mistress have work together for 10 years. In fact Beatty resigned on Monday from her position as his chief of staff. Therefore, I question Carlita's decision to stay married to him.

How does a husband justify to his wife that he has been involved with a woman for at least six years? An involvement that included a sexual and more importantly an emotional involvement. An involvement with Beatty a woman that he has known since they were both in 9th grade. Why would a wife stay with a man who has destroyed their lives financially, emotionally, and spiritually?

Both Kilpatrick and his mistress Christine Beatty lied under oath about their affair last summer in a whistleblowers suit filed against the city by two former cops. Their testimony was part of a lawsuit by the officers who claimed they lost their jobs because they investigated whether Kilpatrick used his security officers to cover up extramarital affairs.

Text messages proved that the pair had an intimate relationship. In hundreds of text messages from 2002 to 2003, Kilpatrick and Christine Beatty who were both married declared their love for each other. They also sent text messages in order to meet in motels in Detroit and on out of town business trips. One message from Kilpatrick to Beatty “I‘ve been dreaming all day about having you all to myself for 3 days…relaxing, laughing, talking, sleeping, and making love.”

Keith Naughton of Newsweek magazine online reported that during a visit to Washington DC in 2002 for the Congressional Black Caucus's legislative conference, the mayor and his chief of staff shared a bedroom at his D.C. hotel while his bodyguards stood watch.

During the trial both denied a romantic or intimate relationship. It has been reported that Beatty lied about the affair 10 times on the witness stand in August 2007. A jury ruled against the City of Detroit and the officers were paid 8.4 million dollars. The lawsuit cost the city more than 9 million dollars.

The Detroit News and its reporting partner, WXYS reported recently that Mayor Kilpatrick was in a luxury resort hot tub and got a massage with a woman who was not his wife. The incident was reported to have occurred at a luxury resort in Asheville, NC during the 2008 Martin Luther King Day holiday weekend. Beatty legal representative is denying allegations that she was the woman with Kilpatrick.

Kym Worthy, a Wayne County prosecutor has launched a criminal investigation into whether Beatty and Kilpatrick committed perjury or other crimes. If convicted of perjury they could face up to 15 years in prison.

In his apology Kilpatrick stated, "I am the mayor. I made the mistake, I am accountable." Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick should resign immediately if he truly is accountable and has any regards for is wife, family, and the people of Detroit.

Vera Richardson is the author of “A Case of Racial Discrimination and Retaliation Real or Imagined." http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?EAN=9780615177014&rv=1
Read excerpts from the text messages http://freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080123/NEWS05/301230008