I am a lover of books of all kinds, but lately I can’t seem to pick up a paperback without the words “How to...” on them. I’ve read that it’s a common trait of first borns to want to be right, do all things perfectly and of course be the first one to do anything of importance. We take pride in having knowledge and using that know-how to boss people around. Right? But somewhere in all the know-it-all bravado, there lies a bit of insecurity. Why do I need a book to tell me how to dress, how to win any argument, or how to keep a man interested? (Which by the way, I have not been a victim of…I just read Cosmo like most women...kidding.)
Obviously, I am not alone, considering the millions of dollars flowing around and through the Self Help /Empowerment /Motivation industry. Ask Tim Robbins (Yes, please show me how to unleash the power,) Oprah ( Secret? What secret? Inquiring minds want to know!), even Joel Osteen (Why would I wait to live my best life? Of course I want to do it now!) But books about organization, putting finances in order, or people skills aside, the area I’m relatively new to is marriage.
Fill in the blank. Marriages are __________________.
Until my own, marriage always meant broken dreams, homes, and promises. Marriage meant exposing yourself to someone else’s scrutiny. Dealing with someone else’s chatter during that time of the month. You know how young girls plan their weddings? Well, I planned my divorces…dismal, I know. But no matter how I sliced it, I couldn’t figure out how two people made a lifetime commitment to each other. I thought I’d be a world traveler, date randomly, and send my many god children exotic gifts while I remained blissfully aloof and single. Then I met him. Well, re-met a distant friend. The usual story ensued: we fell in love, got engaged, and after a few years of struggling with the imminent change in future plans (and some pre-marital counseling) we jumped the broom.
Which leads me to the point of this entry; I’ve realized I have no idea how to be married. Is there even a way? My biological father abandoned my step-father was addicted to cocaine, and my mom doubts she’ll ever marry again. My husband’s parents divorced when he was 18. His dad moved in with his mistress of 5 years and left the brand new home that he and his now ex wife had built. So, the ideal marriage in my life? The Huxtables. And we all know how real that was…Some days I can’t believe I did it. Me, with the frostbitten feet! Other days, it’s the only thing besides God that I’m sure of.
Well, to counteract my lack of experience in being a wife, I’ve started reading my first “How to” book on marriage: The Five Love Languages. I should say, we’ve started it, but this is my perspective. I mean, we’re young, we want more than what we’ve witnessed or been a part of, so why not? It can only lead to something better, right?
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