Thursday, February 28, 2008

Can a Book Build a Marriage?

I am a lover of books of all kinds, but lately I can’t seem to pick up a paperback without the words “How to...” on them. I’ve read that it’s a common trait of first borns to want to be right, do all things perfectly and of course be the first one to do anything of importance. We take pride in having knowledge and using that know-how to boss people around. Right? But somewhere in all the know-it-all bravado, there lies a bit of insecurity. Why do I need a book to tell me how to dress, how to win any argument, or how to keep a man interested? (Which by the way, I have not been a victim of…I just read Cosmo like most women...kidding.)

Obviously, I am not alone, considering the millions of dollars flowing around and through the Self Help /Empowerment /Motivation industry. Ask Tim Robbins (Yes, please show me how to unleash the power,) Oprah ( Secret? What secret? Inquiring minds want to know!), even Joel Osteen (Why would I wait to live my best life? Of course I want to do it now!) But books about organization, putting finances in order, or people skills aside, the area I’m relatively new to is marriage.

Fill in the blank. Marriages are __________________.

Until my own, marriage always meant broken dreams, homes, and promises. Marriage meant exposing yourself to someone else’s scrutiny. Dealing with someone else’s chatter during that time of the month. You know how young girls plan their weddings? Well, I planned my divorces…dismal, I know. But no matter how I sliced it, I couldn’t figure out how two people made a lifetime commitment to each other. I thought I’d be a world traveler, date randomly, and send my many god children exotic gifts while I remained blissfully aloof and single. Then I met him. Well, re-met a distant friend. The usual story ensued: we fell in love, got engaged, and after a few years of struggling with the imminent change in future plans (and some pre-marital counseling) we jumped the broom.


Which leads me to the point of this entry; I’ve realized I have no idea how to be married. Is there even a way? My biological father abandoned my step-father was addicted to cocaine, and my mom doubts she’ll ever marry again. My husband’s parents divorced when he was 18. His dad moved in with his mistress of 5 years and left the brand new home that he and his now ex wife had built. So, the ideal marriage in my life? The Huxtables. And we all know how real that was…Some days I can’t believe I did it. Me, with the frostbitten feet! Other days, it’s the only thing besides God that I’m sure of.

Well, to counteract my lack of experience in being a wife, I’ve started reading my first “How to” book on marriage: The Five Love Languages. I should say, we’ve started it, but this is my perspective. I mean, we’re young, we want more than what we’ve witnessed or been a part of, so why not? It can only lead to something better, right?

Monday, February 18, 2008

Dating After Divorce pt 2





So you’re ready to date? You have taken some ‘me time’ to reflect on yourself; on what makes You happy and you are all ready to play the dating game again. Only, those initial dating fears are nagging and persistent. “What exactly am I supposed to be doing?” Those fears and anxieties are natural. After all, you have just gotten over the lifelong commitment you made to someone that turned out to be not so lifelong. Reentering the dating pool to start the cycle again can be a scary feeling. However, once you get your feet wet, you will find the waters to be just fine.

The most challenging part of dating is the ‘getting to know you’ phase. We’re all familiar with the getting to know you phase: “What do you do?” “What’s your favorite color?” “What do you like to do in your spare time?” This is period of time can be frustrating because as a divorced person you thought you were done with this and would never have to see it again. After all, you’d already put in your time, right? Well the time has come to change your mindset all together. This phase shouldn’t bring feelings of dread. It should evoke a sense of newness and growth. The getting to know you phase is the best way to ease your way back in to the game. Step out there and get to know a variety of people. Use this as an opportunity to put to the test everything you thought long and hard about during your “me-time”. In the process, you are likely to not only to continue learning more about yourself, but make a new friend or two as well.

Now you’re in and you’re active; you’re mixing and mingling. It’s not so bad right? Some of these people seem like they are up your alley. The conversation is flowing and you find yourself comfortable with the dating scene. Now is the time to take account of the people you do ‘hit it off with’. Many divorced people find themselves most aligned with those who are also divorced. It’s not very surprising if you take a moment to think about it; divorced people have more in common than those who have yet to experience the highs and lows of marriage. Divorced people have more of a tendency to work harder in a relationship they feel is worth something; they are often more likely to see the forest beyond the trees. They also have a greater chance at having similar long term goals. And to be quite frank, they are a little more likely to see though some of the nonsense that is inevitable with dating as well. Keep in mind as you enjoy your time in the dating scene what seems like a good fit with You. Don’t try to force a square peg into a round hole for the sake of companionship.

Most importantly, everyone has a past. The past makes you who you are. Where you have been and what you have done shapes who you are today. The ‘me-time’ after your divorce is crucial to the past being a positive influence on moving forward. Most people will say “leave the past in the past”. That’s not 100% accurate. You don’t want to leave the past behind. Otherwise, with the past, you leave behind the important lessons you learned form those experiences. What you do want to leave behind is the negativity of the past. Use where you’ve been to spring yourself forward towards what you want to have in the future. Find the positive in your past and use it to your advantage. Only then will you find yourself most successful in living and loving after a divorce.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Let's Talk about Sex: Robots and Sexuality

by Hasani Pettiford - Your Black World




Robosexuals: Science Fiction or Fact?




Imagine a robot that looks, sounds, smells, and feels exactly like your former, current, or dream-about-in-the-future, lover. Imagine that this robot has access to the instruction from every sex manual, sex column, and infomercial website that has ever been produced, and can synthesize this data into concrete action and sexual behavior. Imagine a robot that can teach lovemaking skills, so that men and women who feel inadequate will be able to take unlimited lessons, in private, from robot lovers who possess an unrivaled level of knowledge of sexual techniques and psycho-sexual problems, combined with great skills as sensitive, patient teachers.

Imagine this robot has software that continually evolves, becoming a more attentive lover, a more appealing partner, changing it's voice, appearance, and behavior based on how you interact with it, all the while using fewer and fewer resources to achieve this goal. Just as chess programs are loaded with databases of moves in different chess openings, so the robots can be given databases of different sexual positions and techniques from around the world. It will be possible to set different "levels" or "preferences," in much the same way that different skill levels and style-of-play preferences can be chosen on a chess computer. And the robots will be able to learn what the user likes. On one level a robot could be set to cater, in every encounter, to the user's sexual tastes. Another level could allow for a random choice of sexual activities and/or positions, in order to give the user some surprises. Yet another level could be a "teaching" mode that provides instruction for the sexual novice. By providing a host of different options, manufacturers will make sex robots appealing to just about every sexual orientation and taste. And the biggest benefit of all is unlimited sex with no risk of pregnancy, abortions, sexually transmitted disease and unwanted emotional attachment.

If you can possibly imagine all of this, imagine no more. By 2012 it is projected that humans will be able to have sex with robots. In fact, by 2050, humans will be able to marry robots. Sounds far fetched? Think again. When the Web site www.Betterhumans.com conducted a survey in February 2003 to investigate what sex technology most people desired, the clear favorite was "android love slaves" with 41% of the votes polled. And as the number of domestic robots worldwide grows dramatically, from about 400,000 in 2003 to the UN's prediction of 4.1 million in 2007, so the numbers of robot designers, robot-development companies, and robot research institutes will mushroom, all fueled by a combination of the money earned from robot sales and government mega-investments. And I'm not talking about R2D2-like robot from the epic movie Star Wars. Rather, the erotic android sexbots introduced in Austin Powers.

Androids are robots designed in a human-like form – of which many examples can be found at the bottom of this article. But in addition to having arms, legs and a head, sexual robots will also have human-sized genitalia of your choice. Japanese scientists have already unveiled the most human-looking robot to date, well at least in the public domain. Secret research is being done now which looks towards the future to build robots so real they will fool humans, in other words they maybe sitting next to you and you would never even know it. New skin technologies will allow the robots to have real human skin grown in petri dishes which will be incorporated in the sexual revolution of robots.

It is suggested that robot sex will become the only sexual outlet for a few sectors of the population: the misfits, the very shy, the sexually inadequate and uneducated, . . .; and that for different sectors of the population robot sex will vary between something to be indulged in occasionally, and only when one's partner is away from home on a long trip, to an activity that supplements one's regular sex life, perhaps when one's partner is not feeling well, or not feeling like sex for some other reason.

To remove the weirdness factor of having sex with robots, these android sex robots can be programmed with artificial intelligence software technology that will give it personality traits and characteristics that will allow a human to develop an emotional bond with it. It can be programmed to express love, exhibit a sense of humor, display sympathy, and portray other emotional qualities found a human relationship. As software becomes more advanced and the relationship between humans and robots becomes more personal, marriage could result.

As disturbing as all of this is, the soon-to-be robosexual phenomenon gets more complex. Robotic scientists, law makers and other professionals have debated the ethics of robot sex as they affect both the human and robot itself. What happens when a robot's owner feels ready but the robot's programming causes it to shy away, possibly because it is running its self-test software or downloading some new knowledge and does not wish to be interrupted, or possibly because its personality was designed in such a way that it sometimes says "no" for whatever reason? Under such circumstances, is this considered rape if the robot's owner countermands the robot's wish to refrain from sex on a particular occasion?

Will sex with a robot by a married individual be considered unfaithful? Will it be unethical in some way to say to one's regular human sex partner: "No, not tonight. I rather be intimate with my robot"? Or, perhaps is a partner telling the other, "Not tonight, go and play with your robot." Some couples will, of course, own two robots, a malebot and a fembot, and will enjoy orgiastic sessions in which three or all four of them take part. Will robot swapping be viewed as being similar to wife swapping? Then there are issues relating to the use of other people's sexbots. What will be the ethics of lending your sexbot to a friend, or borrowing theirs? What about using a friend's sexbot without his or her permission?

The possibility of sex with robots could prove a mixed bag for humanity. For instance, robot sex could provide an outlet for criminal sexual urges. "If you have pedophiles and you let them use a robotic child, will that reduce the incidence of them abusing real children, or will it increase it?"

There are some questions to be answered by the lawmakers of the future regarding robot prostitution. Should it be illegal to have a plethora of robot prostitutes ( a robot brothel)? These are all questions that are now being considered.

This stranger-than-fiction reality proves that this world is in deep, deep trouble. We are falling down the slippery slope of morality into the unethical pit of despair. The potential normalcy of sexual relationships with robots speaks to the spiritual and relational disconnect that members of society have with God and their fellow man. Le t us not be so liberal in our thinking that we accept and adjust to the notion of sexual relations with robots. Any sexual or relational problem that a manufactured, perfectly-designed piece of scrap mettle (a sexbot) can solve, a human being can solve as well. So, rather than looking outward to secure relational and sexual fulfillment, look inward first. The answer to every need is found within you and your partner.

Let's Talk about Sex: Robots and Sexuality

by Hasani Pettiford - Your Black World




Robosexuals: Science Fiction or Fact?




Imagine a robot that looks, sounds, smells, and feels exactly like your former, current, or dream-about-in-the-future, lover. Imagine that this robot has access to the instruction from every sex manual, sex column, and infomercial website that has ever been produced, and can synthesize this data into concrete action and sexual behavior. Imagine a robot that can teach lovemaking skills, so that men and women who feel inadequate will be able to take unlimited lessons, in private, from robot lovers who possess an unrivaled level of knowledge of sexual techniques and psycho-sexual problems, combined with great skills as sensitive, patient teachers.

Imagine this robot has software that continually evolves, becoming a more attentive lover, a more appealing partner, changing it's voice, appearance, and behavior based on how you interact with it, all the while using fewer and fewer resources to achieve this goal. Just as chess programs are loaded with databases of moves in different chess openings, so the robots can be given databases of different sexual positions and techniques from around the world. It will be possible to set different "levels" or "preferences," in much the same way that different skill levels and style-of-play preferences can be chosen on a chess computer. And the robots will be able to learn what the user likes. On one level a robot could be set to cater, in every encounter, to the user's sexual tastes. Another level could allow for a random choice of sexual activities and/or positions, in order to give the user some surprises. Yet another level could be a "teaching" mode that provides instruction for the sexual novice. By providing a host of different options, manufacturers will make sex robots appealing to just about every sexual orientation and taste. And the biggest benefit of all is unlimited sex with no risk of pregnancy, abortions, sexually transmitted disease and unwanted emotional attachment.

If you can possibly imagine all of this, imagine no more. By 2012 it is projected that humans will be able to have sex with robots. In fact, by 2050, humans will be able to marry robots. Sounds far fetched? Think again. When the Web site www.Betterhumans.com conducted a survey in February 2003 to investigate what sex technology most people desired, the clear favorite was "android love slaves" with 41% of the votes polled. And as the number of domestic robots worldwide grows dramatically, from about 400,000 in 2003 to the UN's prediction of 4.1 million in 2007, so the numbers of robot designers, robot-development companies, and robot research institutes will mushroom, all fueled by a combination of the money earned from robot sales and government mega-investments. And I'm not talking about R2D2-like robot from the epic movie Star Wars. Rather, the erotic android sexbots introduced in Austin Powers.

Androids are robots designed in a human-like form – of which many examples can be found at the bottom of this article. But in addition to having arms, legs and a head, sexual robots will also have human-sized genitalia of your choice. Japanese scientists have already unveiled the most human-looking robot to date, well at least in the public domain. Secret research is being done now which looks towards the future to build robots so real they will fool humans, in other words they maybe sitting next to you and you would never even know it. New skin technologies will allow the robots to have real human skin grown in petri dishes which will be incorporated in the sexual revolution of robots.

It is suggested that robot sex will become the only sexual outlet for a few sectors of the population: the misfits, the very shy, the sexually inadequate and uneducated, . . .; and that for different sectors of the population robot sex will vary between something to be indulged in occasionally, and only when one's partner is away from home on a long trip, to an activity that supplements one's regular sex life, perhaps when one's partner is not feeling well, or not feeling like sex for some other reason.

To remove the weirdness factor of having sex with robots, these android sex robots can be programmed with artificial intelligence software technology that will give it personality traits and characteristics that will allow a human to develop an emotional bond with it. It can be programmed to express love, exhibit a sense of humor, display sympathy, and portray other emotional qualities found a human relationship. As software becomes more advanced and the relationship between humans and robots becomes more personal, marriage could result.

As disturbing as all of this is, the soon-to-be robosexual phenomenon gets more complex. Robotic scientists, law makers and other professionals have debated the ethics of robot sex as they affect both the human and robot itself. What happens when a robot's owner feels ready but the robot's programming causes it to shy away, possibly because it is running its self-test software or downloading some new knowledge and does not wish to be interrupted, or possibly because its personality was designed in such a way that it sometimes says "no" for whatever reason? Under such circumstances, is this considered rape if the robot's owner countermands the robot's wish to refrain from sex on a particular occasion?

Will sex with a robot by a married individual be considered unfaithful? Will it be unethical in some way to say to one's regular human sex partner: "No, not tonight. I rather be intimate with my robot"? Or, perhaps is a partner telling the other, "Not tonight, go and play with your robot." Some couples will, of course, own two robots, a malebot and a fembot, and will enjoy orgiastic sessions in which three or all four of them take part. Will robot swapping be viewed as being similar to wife swapping? Then there are issues relating to the use of other people's sexbots. What will be the ethics of lending your sexbot to a friend, or borrowing theirs? What about using a friend's sexbot without his or her permission?

The possibility of sex with robots could prove a mixed bag for humanity. For instance, robot sex could provide an outlet for criminal sexual urges. "If you have pedophiles and you let them use a robotic child, will that reduce the incidence of them abusing real children, or will it increase it?"

There are some questions to be answered by the lawmakers of the future regarding robot prostitution. Should it be illegal to have a plethora of robot prostitutes ( a robot brothel)? These are all questions that are now being considered.

This stranger-than-fiction reality proves that this world is in deep, deep trouble. We are falling down the slippery slope of morality into the unethical pit of despair. The potential normalcy of sexual relationships with robots speaks to the spiritual and relational disconnect that members of society have with God and their fellow man. Le t us not be so liberal in our thinking that we accept and adjust to the notion of sexual relations with robots. Any sexual or relational problem that a manufactured, perfectly-designed piece of scrap mettle (a sexbot) can solve, a human being can solve as well. So, rather than looking outward to secure relational and sexual fulfillment, look inward first. The answer to every need is found within you and your partner.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Juanita Bynum and Thomas Weeks Back in the News Again


There is speculation and mixed reports that Juanita Bynum is thinking about getting back together with her estranged husband, Bishop Thomas Weeks. MediaTakeOut.com has reported that Bynum and Weeks have begun the process of undergoing spiritual counseling in order to reconcile their broken marriage.

The reports allegedly came from someone close to Bynum and Weeks. The anonymous source has stated that the two are undergoing spiritual counseling to fix their marriage. According to the anonymous source, "They both need spiritual healing from the Lord, but they're committed to rebuilding their marriage ... Please give them some privacy."

However, the report was quickly denied by someone even closer to Thomas Weeks, publicist Angelo Ellerbee. Ellerbee had this to say to EURWeb:

"Please allow this communication to serve as an official notice to your web page that what was posted today regarding my client, Bishop Weeks III and his estranged wife, prophetess Juanita Bynum is totally false, incorrect and untrue on the behalf of Bishop Weeks. However, Ms. Bynum chooses to position herself is up to her and her publicity firm. There has been no spiritual engagements between my client, Bishop Weeks and his estranged wife. I hope that you will be very kind in displaying this information on your site as soon as possible. I find it quite misleading and full of publicity tricks."

A similar statement was released by Amy Malone, publicist for Juanita Bynum:

"Juanita Bynum would like to make it very clear that she is not in counseling with Bishop Thomas Weeks III, nor are there any talks of reconciliation as stated in the false article written by Doug Campbell. Juanita Bynum Ministries received a request from Bishop Weeks' uncle, Bishop Leo Smith, to speak at his conference in Barbados this June. She also received an invitation from his grandfather and aunt, Bishop Thomas J. Weeks and Dr. Gwendolyn Weeks to speak at their two-day prayer revival in Boston ... she accepted both invitations. Her acceptances of the invitations are in no way a step towards reconciliation."

Some have argued that Weeks and Bynum have been using their relationship as a publicity stunt, sending out press releases and "positioning themselves" in the public eye.

"Perhaps if this relationship were more about God and love than publicity, it might have had a chance to last," says relationship therapist Mathew Couch.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick responds to

Video of Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick's apology.

He is very sorry that the text messages exchanged with his mistress and chief of staff Christine Beatty were made public.

He should not only resign but his wife should accept his apology, forgive him, love herself, and move on with her life.

Vera Richardson is the author of “A Case of Racial Discrimination and Retaliation Real or Imagined."
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-images/0615177018/ref+=cm