Dating After Divorce

By T. Camille - YourBlackWorld.com

No matter what amount of time the marriage lasted: two years, ten years, or twenty five years, getting back into the dating scene feels like entering scary, unfamiliar territory. The vows “til death do us part” were truly heartfelt when they were uttered. So to trying to date someone besides whom those vows were sworn to is a hard pill to swallow. Forgotten are the painful memories of what caused the divorce, and the stability and comfort of that “one”. However, despite the discomfort, the leap back into the dating scene is unavoidable. There is love again after a divorce! Overcoming personal attitude changes and adapting the lessons learned from the previous marriage can potentially make your next relationship much healthier.

Regardless of how amicable a marriage may have ended, there are always some hurt feelings. It is pretty safe to say that many divorcees are jaded, and less open minded. Some experience trust issues, others are fearful of commitment, and even worse, some fear being alone. No matter what your personal hang-ups may be after your divorce, the most important step is to resolve them; within your self. Too often, people jump in to relationships with the next person they find of interest without truly getting to know them, out of desire to fill that void left by their spouse. Unfortunately, this doesn’t allow time for you to relearn yourself, and determine what you want out of the next relationship. Taking that time to heal, and learn and grow, is vital to healthy worthwhile dating after a divorce.

From any relationship, good or bad, there are always life lessons. Those are the lessons you can carry with you throughout your interactions with others. Finding the lesson, however, is not always easy to do; nor does it always happen right away. After a divorce, time spent reflecting on the marriage, although painful, is to your advantage. With in the marriage there were good points. What made those experiences good? Might anything have made them better? At some point during the marriage, things went south. What were those causes? What can you do to improve yourself? What do you not want from a mate in the next relationship? All of these are things that can better your knowledge of self in regards to dating and relationships. After all, if you don’t know what makes you happy, how is anyone else to know? Use this new knowledge when dating again, to determine who is “friendship” material versus “maybe more” potential. The beauty of dating is those that you deem to be friend potential provide you more insight on what you do and don’t want in a mate. It’s a win-win situation.

Many people go on after their divorce to live and love and remarry. And usually, the second time is the charm. From one point of view, with the first marriage you learned “what it takes to make a marriage work, and not work”. The second go round is your chance to do it right. Next, I’ll discuss how to overcome those first date – post divorce fears and anxieties.